


I'm Fine

by earltealord



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Isolation, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Sad Keith (Voltron), minor kallura but not really, sort of a slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-19 00:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15497997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earltealord/pseuds/earltealord
Summary: This unbeta'd so any and all mistakes are my own!





	I'm Fine

**Author's Note:**

> This unbeta'd so any and all mistakes are my own!

“The Mamora can go without you, they have for centuries, Voltron cannot.  _ We _ can not.”

 

Allura’s words rang through his head watching the broadcast on his tiny comm. He'd remembered when the idea of the flight shows were introduced. He remembered trying to channel Shiro’s leader-like temperament when addressing the crowds-before ultimately handing the reins to Allura, public speaking wasn't never his strong suit. 

He'd remember how Lance would get on their backs if they were putting on a good show, how the rest would laugh and joke how this was the only thing he was so adamant about.

Now, with Shiro back in the Black lion, Voltron was doing fine. Keith laughed softly to himself, “So much for Voltron not being able to go on without me,” he joked darkly, shutting off the comm and leaving his quarters of the ship the Blades were using as a temporary base of operations.

Entering into the bridge Kolivan turned to greet him, “It would seem your old team has become quite….” he trailed off, seeming at a loss for words.

“Yeah, no they can…. Be like that,” Keith’s mouth turned up at a corner, look to the screen of the central hub. Apparently the show was being broadcast on all coalition frequencies, and despite have far more important missions to go on, a good number of the Blades stationed on the ship had stopped to enjoy the show.

Not interested in watching his former teammates humiliate themselves Keith decided to distract himself with intel, reading up on what he could that would better aid the fight against the empire.

Ignoring the slight heartache that lingered whenever he saw the people he once called a family.

…

 

“Keith,” Kolivan called out on the other side of his door, he stirred awake immediately dizzily trying to remember how he got back to his room. 

He jumped out of bed and opened the door, “Yes sir?”

“The Paladins wish to have a briefing about a plan of attack.” 

Keith nodded, and followed after when the taller man walked toward the bridge of the ship.

Keith swallow a ball of anxiety that was somehow forming in his throat, realizing that since he left he had not once thought to contact any of his former ‘family.’ As he tried to put on his best professional face, the paladins appeared on screen. 

A tiny ball of hope that they would greet him as if they actually missed him formed in his heart, but he saw not a face of recognition on any of them. 

Keith straightened out as they started to talk, trying his best to pay attention, but his emotions were trying to get the best of him. It wasn't too long ago where he remembered a tearful, hug-filled goodbye, surely one of them must have, missed him at least a little. 

Keith sunk back into his brain as Shiro listed the specifics of the mission. The little voices in his head knew already why they didn’t acknowledge him, and knowing how ready they were to get over Shiro when he disappeared… he knew Voltron was completely fine without him. 

After the briefing was over, Keith retreated back to his quarters to get ready, the transmission didn't seem done but he figured he already knew enough about what their part of the plan was to walk away from it. It's not like any of them would want to have a ‘We haven't seen you in forever, how's life?’ chat. 

There was nothing there for him now. 

…

 

It's funny what emotions can do to your heart, it's hard to understand why that aching would never go away, but in the one chance Keith would get to save his old family, to save Shiro, he would throw his life away in a heartbeat. 

Even if they didn't care about him, as much he did them. If they were ready to throw him away like so many people in his life did, that was fine, but he would honestly die for them.

 

“One life in exchange for the whole galaxy, I think those are some pretty good odds,” Keith mumbled to himself, staring down the hull of the galra ship.

“Wait-What! Keith what are you doing?!” Matt’s voice sounded over the comm link.

“Listen it's the only way, it was good fighting with you Matt,” Keith said, turning off all communications and setting up his fighter to take a nosedive right into the center of the cruiser.

With his coordinates in place, he took a deep breath and floored it at the ship, “Guys…. Shiro… I love you,” he whispered shutting his eyes and preparing for death's embrace.

What felt like an eternity, last only seconds,  as a explosion sounded off knocking down the shields of the cruiser. Keith barely managed to pull back, seeing as his sacrifice was no longer needed. 

“Keith good work!” Shiro’s voice came over the comm.

 

Keith wasn't sure when he had turned it back on, “That wasn't me…”

 

…

 

Keith landed his fighter and went joined the other Blades who came for a debriefing on the Castleship. Trying to make his way to the main bridge, other allies were still arriving yet,so he knew he had time yet to reach them.

As he was walking he saw Matt and Shiro talking over to the side, Keith desperately tried to avoid them, when he heard Matt calling him over before he could put up his  hood and activate his mask to hide his face.

“Keith! Get Over Here!” Matt demanded. Keith knew he was going to get yelled at, Matt had been the only one who knew what he was planning that would, of all people, report it directly to Shiro. 

“You're not my commanding officer,” Keith deadpanned, standing in the middle of a crowd, that were making their way to the debriefing room around him.

Shiro looked over at him, stern and cold, and Keith was struck with enough guilt to abide his request.

“Yes sir, Commander Holt?” Keith said flatly once he reached the duo.

“What the actual hell dude?” Matt started, not even amusing Keith’s attempt at formalities.

“What?” was all Keith replied, not looking at Shiro, who was staring daggers into his skull.

“Don't ‘What?’ me! That was… dangerous! Suicidal?! What on earth were you thinking?!” Matt questioned, demanding an explanation Keith wasn't sure he had.

“Matt, can I,” Shiro started before Matt just walked away.

“Yeah he's all yours,” He responded, before muttering, “always has been.”

Keith looked at the floor between them, slightly afraid to meet Shiro’s eyes. The commanding voice he was using validated tho fears. “Can you explain to me what you were thinking?”

Keith remained silent. 

“Keith, we can't have one of our own throwing their lives away in battle, regardless if it was for the greater good. We're lacking fire power and good soldiers, we can't lose people like you. You're more important to our cause than you give yourself credit for… Keith-” he stopped suddenly, with a sharp intake of breath.

Keith eyed the passersby. 

A few moments of silence echoed between them, and Keith jumped slightly at the contact between them as Shiro pulled him in for a hug. “Keith,” Shiro said on an exhale, it sounded like a plea, soft and full of emotion, “Keith please…”

Keith strained to try and look and Shiro who was hiding his face in the crook of his neck. “Keith, I can't lose you, We can't lose you,” Shiro admitted, squeezing him tighter, “When Matt told me what your did I… I had no idea what to do.”

“You startled scolding me….” Keith said matter-of-factly looking at the wall behind Shiro.

“Well, yeah… I  **am** your commanding officer,” Shiro left out in a huff, pulling away from his shoulder, letting Keith see his smile, “It's hard to act like a hardass when someone you love almost tried to kill themselves.”

Keith's ears rang, hope welling in his stomach, “.....Someone you love?” 

He stared hard at Shiro searching for clarification.

“Keith, you know we love you,” he replied.

“Oh,” Keith let out, the heartache was back, he felt disappointed.

It felt fake, the reassurance, after his absence and the video conference about the mission, Keith wasn't validated with any kind of love from anywhere.

“Thanks for worrying about me?” Keith questioned, trying to wriggle out of Shiro’s grasp, suddenly acutely aware of their proximity and struck with the need to be alone.

Noticing Keith’s discomfort Shiro’s face fell,  he backed off, giving Keith his space, “Is…” he started, obviously reading Keith's face, “Are you alright? You been pulling away more than usual.”

“I'm fine,” Keith lied, there was a sudden strain of anxiety pooling into his stomach, “They're going to need us on the bridge, come on.” He said closing himself off and headed toward the others. As a last ditch effort, Shiro reached out to him, but Keith pulled away, “Shiro, please… i'm sorry.”

 

…

 

After the meeting, they crowd was a mix of people leaving and those who mingled with the other Paladins. Keith stood close to the other Blades who were talking with Allura about Lotor’s ‘allegiance’ and his refuge in the castle, discerning whether they needed extra support to make sure the exiled prince behaved himself. 

Keith remembered during the meeting not even batting an eye how Lance offered up his old room, and Allura said there were better more suited areas for Lotor to stay. Allura had glanced over to him, him when Lance had mentioned it, surely expecting a response, but when Keith didn't respond like old times, the moment passed very quickly. 

“Keith would probably be best suited for the job,” he heard Allura respond to Kolivan,Keith looked toward her, trying to understand what she had meant. 

“I'll send another Blade to aid him,” he offered.

“I thank you for the offer, but I know the blade is stretched thin,” Allura smiled, “We can also guard him in case he does anything. In times where he is unable to gather information, I'll have our Green Paladin send you data over our communications.”

“I appreciate that princess,” Kolivan nodded and turned to Keith, “Got that?”

“Yes sir,” Keith said solemnly.

 

…

 

As soon as Lotor was set up in his hold, Keith planted himself in front of the door, “I can take first watch, if you need to interrogate him or whatever I'll be out here,” he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall waiting for any of them to try and go in. 

They exchanged nervous looks and looked back to Keith. “We don't know yet what we are going to ask of him,” Allura admitted.

“I think he's also injured, his shoulder did not look good,” Lance added.

Keith nodded, “Reconvene then, I'll be here,” he said turning on his mask and pulling up his hood waiting for them to do as such.

The wait for them to do anything was agonizing, there was a strange nervous aura that held in the air until someone decided to do something, “I guess… we'll talk on the bridge once more…” Allura looked around and started walking, one by agonizingly slow, one the other Paladins followed, each giving Keith a look before turning fully. Shiro being the last to seem actually hesitant, wanting to say something but ultimately followed the rest back up.

 

…

 

“So….. he's being weird right? Like more than normal?” Hunk commented when everyone reach the bridge of the ship. 

“Isn't being weirdly stoic and standoffish a ‘Blade’ thing?” Lance responded, good naturedly.

“Is being an insensitive ass a ‘you’ thing?” Pidge shot back, a muffled laugh from her brother came from the main controls and they all turned to see. 

“Matt you're still here?” Shiro asked.

“Yeah, Coran said something about the controls being a bit sticky when in battle so I thought i could someone how help,” He smiled, “You guys talking about Keith?”

“Not directly, We're supposed to be talking about what to interrogate Lotor about,” Allura sighed, “We haven't seen him in a month so I was hopeful when Kolivan assigned him to help, he would be more excited.”

Matt eyed Shiro, “You didn't tell them did you.”

Shiro tensed as all eyes landed on him, “Not yet, no…”

“Tell us what?” Allura demanded.

“Yeah!” Lance added. 

“Keith almost tried to kill himself to save you guys!” Matt answered for Shiro, getting everyone’s attention on him, asking for clarification, “During the fight, he was going to throw himself into the cruiser to get the shields down so we could save you all, he seemed really adamant about it to, he shut off comms when i tried to yell at him.”

The paladins were silent, soaking in the information. Allura looked to Shiro, “You knew?”

Shiro shook his head, “Matt told me when he landed, I tried talking to him, he shut me out.”

“He shut  _ you _ out?” Lance exclaimed.

“Out of all of us that doesn't seem physically possible!” Pidge agreed, crossing her arms.

“Yeah, weren't you two always connected at the hip?” Hunk joined, “I mean that was a thing right?”

Matt nodded  Hunk’s assumption, “It was worse in the garrison, you couldn't find one without the other unless it was a field trip day or lights out.” 

“Listen, everyone, I'm sure we're all worried about Keith, but we do have to figure out what to ask Lotor down there.” Shiro deflected, looking towards Allura, “Princess?”

Allura had remained silent through all of this, arms crossed and face stricken with thought, when Shiro had called her name she had finally looked up and smiled at the rest of them, “Yes, you are absolutely right Shiro, we can begin interrogating Lotor soon, but I would like the speak with Keith first.”

The other paladins and matt exchanged looks and shrugged, while Allura went back down toward Lotor’s hold to speak to Keith. The others followed from a distance if only the eavesdrop.

“Guys, shouldn't we let them have their privacy?” Shiro reprimanded, standing near the back of their group. 

“You can leave if you want Shiro, I'm sure Lance will cry about it to you later,” Pidge snarked.

“Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!” Lance squawked offended, “I'm not crying to nobody, I'm just making sure Keith keeps his hands to himself.”

This got Shiro’s attention, “You don't think they…?” he started moving closer to the front of the group.

 

…

 

Keith stood tall as he saw the Princess approach, “Did you want to start his interrogation?” 

Allura shook her head, “Keith, if it's alright with you,may we talk?”

Keith hesitated a bit, but nodded, “Of course, Princess, what's wrong?”

He watched Allura fidget with her hands a tad, look up and get thrown off by something she saw, “First… is it possible…? The Mask?” 

_ Oh right,  _ Keith thought as he let down his mask but kept his hood up, “Better?” 

Allura nodded, “Yes, much.” but she looked down again, contemplating something, “Keith,” she began, “Matt and Shiro told us what you were going to do for us, and while your sacrifice would have been for the greater good, I don't know how any of us would have handled losing part of our family. Keith we've been worried, so worried. I know your work with the blade is important, but aren't we as well?” 

As Allura finished, Keith stared dumbfounded, an petulant anger starting in his gut,  _ patience, yields, focus _ , a ghost whispered in his head, the mantra was losing its meaning when the man who taught it to him looked at him with indifference now, as did many others in his life. “Allura-Princess… I-” He cut himself off, not even knowing what would be a proper response with igniting fury or otherwise bearing his soul to her. Really only Shiro would be the person he'd come to, but considering… he was out of options.

“Keith?” Allura questions, putting a hand on his arm, he almost shyed from the contact, the touch supposed to be comforting and grounding only provided him with innate anxiety bubbling in his chest.

“Princess, I'm sorry,” _sorry you have to see me like this,_ he thought further, “I'm fine though, so there's no need to worry.” He tried to put on a convincing smile.

He watched as her eyebrows drew together, “Keith, are you sure?” 

He nodded to appease her, “Of course, I get why you're worried, but seriously im fine.”

She looked at a loss for a moment, but nodded too, pulling him into a weak hug, “I just want you to know we'll be here Keith, we all love you dearly.”

“Sure.” was all Keith responded.

 

…

There was a certain emotion floating in Shiro’s chest and they all slipped back around the corner. Seeing Allura being so gentle and understanding with Keith was just something that he got uncomfortable watching, and he was even sure as to why. 

“I knew it, that coy dog was hiding this from me, he never answered if he and Allura were ‘together’ together, how did i not see this?”

“You sure about that?” Matt asked, looking to Shiro, who at Lance’s theory, had that emotion double to the point of hurting his chest. 

“As much as I hate it…. Yeah,” Lance answered, his voice getting solemn. 

“Uh, guys, she's headed back this way,” Pidge whispered, pushing the others back. 

But unfortunately not fast enough as everyone was caught red handed trying to flee, “What are you guys doing here?” She started, then blew up, “Where you eavesdropping?!” 

“Sorry Allura, we just wanted to check on Keith too,” Pidge answered.

“You could have waited and told him yourself, he does not seem to be as ‘fine’ as he says he is.” Allura scolded, ending on a sad note, looking at Shiro. “You should try talking to him again, you're possibly the only one he trusts.”

Shiro huffs out a sad laugh, “Apparently not, he did pretty fine with you,” he said slightly bitter, wondering where that even came from.

“Shiro, he barely told me anything, he swore he was fine and I wasn't going to push he was clearly hiding something,” Allura frowned looking to the floor for a moment before changing gears, looking to Lance, “Lance, I want you to cover for Keith when his shift ends, Shiro you must talk to him.”

“I'll try, Princess.”

 

…

 

“Hey, Allura said I can switch with you so you can get some rest,” Lance said entering the hallway just outside the hold.

Keith nodded and walked past without a  word and headed back up to what used to be his quarters, ignoring the look Lance gave him as he past.

Upon entering-what used to be- his room, he was slightly surprised on how much of it hadn't changed, his jacket and casual clothes still were there and the bed undisturbed, blanket still a mess from when he slept in it last.

The was a moment Keith just stared at it trying so hard to stop his anxious mind from turning this situation worse than it was. It was in the midst of this mindset a soft knock came on his door. “It’s open,” he called turning toward the door.

The door slid open to reveal Shiro on the other side with a shy smile, “Hey, Keith.”

“Shiro,” Keith responded in turn, his voice tight with nerves, “What's wrong? Do you need me to go back down to guard Lotor again?”

Shiro shook his head, “No, Lance has that covered for now. I wanted to talk, if that's okay?”

“Uh, okay, sure,” Keith hesitated, “About what? Allura already lectured me…. You did too…”

Shiro nodded, “Yeah, i did, I didn't really mean for it to be a lecture though, I…” he trailed off looking, no, his eyes were searching for something. 

“It's fine Shiro, I know what you're going to say, and I get it, won't happen again promise,” Keigh filled in quick, looking down at the floor, feeling smaller than usually for some reason.

“I-no, I mean yes I did want you to promise not to try that again, but that's not what I was going to say,” Shiro explained, “Keith, what's wrong?”

Keith looked up at the question, “What do you mean? Nothing is wrong?” Keith deflected.

“Keith, please, I don't like seeing you this way, I don't like you pulling away,” Shiro set a hand on his shoulder, “Please Keith, tell me what's wrong.”

“I….” Keith started, avoiding Shiro's eyes, it felt embarrassing and instead of comforting to talk to Shiro now, and he wasn't sure why. He hated that he could no longer confide in him, in any if them, it had become stilted and awkward.

There was a silence, a very long uncomfortable silence, before Shiro let out a sigh, “If you want to talk to Allura instead I understand, I can go then.”

He started turning for the door, but Keith stopped him, “Shiro,” he grabbed his wrist, “I… what do you mean?”

Shiro turned back to look at him, “I mean, you're with Allura right? You've talked to her before?”

“What?” Keith squawked, confusion crossing his face, “Why do you think? How did that…?”

Shiro just watched Keith for a moment, “Shiro, I'm not with anyone,” Keith explained, “This isn't about that or anything close to... “ he sighed cutting himself off.

“Then why don't you want to talk to me? Keith, you know i care,” Shiro stepped forward.

“I… Shiro, I…” and like that tears started in his eyes, he lifted his hands to cover his face, “You guys were find without me, I… thought the universe wouldn't need some random orphan half-Galra like me. I thought I didn't matter anymore.”

“ _ Keith _ ,” Shiro said with that soft voice that Keith loved so much, the tears continued and he felt Shiro’s warmth engulf him, “You we love you, I just…”

“I know, I know,” Keith sniffled, trying not to stain Shiro’s armour with tears or his runny nose, “I just, I can't, I thought,” a millions of things were running through his head and none of them were things he thought to vocalize.

Shiro only responded by hugging him tighter, “It's alright Keith, we're here, we love you.”

“It's pretty hard to believe that sometimes,” Keith mumbled.

“Well, at least you know I do,” Shiro responded even tho Keith thought he couldn't  hear him, he picked his head up a tad to look at Shiro's face, and he was smiling. 

“You… do?” Keith questioned.

“Yeah, of course, I….” Shiro stopped, then sighed, “Not like that…”

There a piece of Keith that wanted to scream, “Oh,” he said sadly.

Shiro picked up on the mood shift, “I mean, i just thought, Keith you said you saw me like a brother but i don't think I'll be able to see you that way. I'm sorry maybe once when we were back in Earth but…”

Keith just watched him try to explain, “It's okay Shiro,” he smiled back.

“I'm really sorry, that it came to this to realize how terrified I am to losing you. Of course we miss you and I know how rough your life has been, but you have to trust us that we want you here.  _ I  _ want you here.” 

Keith could feel his cheeks burn with the realization, embarrassment was a slow burn, but it was more so the confession that Shiro had just said to him. He ducked his head again, “Shiro, thanks…” 

Shiro pulled him up by his chin, so he could look back at him, “You don't need to thank me for loving you, I'm only sorry that I couldn't show you earlier. I'm sorry Keith, and I never want to think about losing you like that again.” Shiro leaned his head down to bring Keith into a kiss that Keith would relish for days to come. 

“I'm sorry, I love you too Shiro.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I started writing this like immediately after season 3 ended, but ive been rewatching voltron and got hit with major keith feels so i wanted to finish this.  
> Also this is kinda. A vent fic cause I love keith, but i know his feelings about pulled away from your friemds and seeing regardless of saying otherwise go on without you. 
> 
> But thank you for reading! Your comments amd kudos are very much appreciated! If you wanna chat you can find me over on tumblr @earltealord


End file.
